It’s 3 am. I am sitting behind my desk, with the candles on, feeling the stillness that is rippling out in this moment. Feeling the space between the molecules in the air all around me. If I close my eyes, I can imagine myself dissolving in that space in between…dissipating into the nothing and everything that that is… formless, pure creation.
I am in a space where words don’t come easy, rather they meander across the pages of my mind, floating into the nooks and crannies of every thought, exploring, resting for a moment before drifting on.
I know it’s because right now I feel ‘identity-less’. Without form. Without a shape or structure that was hitherto known to me as ‘me’.
I also know that I had a knowing that I went through a ‘vibrational upgrade’ (what a strange word that is indeed) this past summer. And that the solar eclipse that followed tilted my world. Into more capacities, more possibilities. Just more. Most of that ‘more’ doesn’t even have a name or a face yet.
The ripples of that shift have been profound. Life as I know it is dissolving in very tangible ways. I don’t know the next ‘where, when, how’ of my life. I have ‘tuned in’ many times over. And I get… nothing. For someone whose business, life, world is based on ‘tuning in’, this nothing is extraordinary… The shape and form of this next unfolding in my life has not yet shown itself- even in consciousness. There is nothing but stillness. Not the kind of stillness that is fecund and full of life. But the kind that requires that you sit. With ‘no mind’. Resting. Being in that space in between. Requiring nothing. Needing nothing. Floating without form until the form reveals itself.
In this space, I came across some words that allowed me to know that even this space is a shared one:
“Sssshh…she is traveling between worlds right now. You can see her holding the tension of not knowing- she is simply breathing into her unanswered questions. Sometimes she drinks coffee with quaking hands, not knowing where her relationships or her bank account is going. But this time, she is not holding onto the tension of not knowing, and is not willing to hit the panic button. She is unlearning thousands of years of conditioning. She is not being split between the opposing forces of fight and flight. She is neither naïve or ignorant. She is a frontier woman, paving new roads and making new choices. She is willing to make a new transcendent possibility emerge. You may see her now- standing at the thresholds, or at crossroads- breathing into her body- intently listening for inner signals. She’s learning new navigation skills as she arrives at a most magical moment of her life.”
- Sukhinder Sircar
Wherever you are on your journey, I hope that you know that you are held, that you are loved. That Life has your back. It just has a funny way of inviting us into our ‘next’ sometimes, smiles.
With tender love,