There is stillness within as I sit to write this.
A tremulous waiting… am I ready?
I don’t feel ready.
I feel tears gather on my eyelashes as my soul … waits…
I feel as if I am still standing on the precipice… the old has been stripped from me. Leaving me naked. My soul exposed to the harshness of the Sun,
to the glaring light of Life.
Or so it has seemed. And yet, there is a knowingness that has remained even in the depths of the crucible of transformation that I can breathe into this. That this is safe. That this is in fact very known indeed. A journey that I have made over and over again…
A path that my cosmic feet have trod until the terrain is familiar like a lover’s caress, beckoning me into ecstasy.
My yearly death-rebirth that always occurs between the june-september equinoxes.
A ritual that I go through like a pilgrimage to a holy place,
the spaces inside of me.
And so I was stripped down, my ego (defined as a sense of self) shattered into shards of glass, my soul demanding its next evolution.
Lying in bed, breathing.
Literally, feeling that One Breath being my entire universe as I lay still. That’s all there was. Beyond thought, beyond word, beyond desire,
the Stillness that permeates the Spaces Between.
My body feels heavy. I can’t find the way to the dance floor that is my living room.
I’ve lost my rhythm. The beat has dissolved, it too waiting for that new form,
for that essence that informs expression.
I am Still.
Weeks turn into several months as slowly moments of movement occur.
My elbow reaches out, surprising me in its desire to be known again.
There are instances of piercing light as my old skin crumbles to dust.
Glimpses into possibility that I had not even dared to dream.
The gift of this descent a promise that takes my breath away.
And so I stand. At the precipice of something as yet so unknown that tantalises the fingertips of my soul to reach ever more- within. I am Becoming.
As so many of us are.
The ever-present Dream.