As always, time has been having its way with me. Stretching out into forever, collapsing into the present moment, speeding up, slowing down. I've been slow dancing with it and having moments of delightful frenzied giggly giddiness as well. As always living the paradoxes of being human in its almost infinite variety and wave of experiences and emotions.
We stand at the cusp of the summer solstice. A time of sunshine and an invitation to celebrate life in its sweet summer glory. Honestly, I'm not quite there yet in its entirety. There is a grand (and that does feel like the right word: grand) re-birthing occurring in my life, in my world. Parts of me have arrived into the 'new and next' but I can sense spaces within me that are still deeply submerged in winter, some in spring. Parts that need more time to be in the starkness of the dark, other parts that feel like they are tiny buds after a hard winter, emerging but not blossoming yet.
And so I am gentle with all of me. I know that it has been more than a year and a half and I catch this voice in my head at times that says 'still, you're still here?!' but I know it for what it is. Human time. Human perception. What does it know of the magic and mysteries of the soul? What does it know of the grandness of what is occurring? The majestic mystery of what is needed to birth something exquisite into the world. Every piece of art that has moved people and touched the very essence of truth took time to create. A journey of being and becoming before something came into form that was a transparent reflection of an internal experience and language honed in the fires of unknowing. I know that is how deeply I desire to live. That close to the essence of truth. That place where the expression of soul is tempered into something utterly indescribable in its raw beauty and humanity and humbleness and divinity and majesty and all knowingness.
So wherever you are in your own being and becoming, know that your seasons are unique to you. You follow your own timelines, your own evolutionary spiral with its unique signature. Give yourself the gift of curiosity, of willingness to inquire deeply, to allow truth to emerge, to know yourself as something utterly grand.
My group work Reinventing Self is a large part of birthing spaces and places, energies and consciousnesses within myself that were still dancing the dark. I'm going deeper than ever before. (which if you know me at all sounds a tad bit ludicrous, smiles)
I am opening up the group container for this second month - starting THIS THURSDAY- so if you feel the call, NOW is the time. It is the most potent container of transformation that I've ever offered, on every level.
Please click HERE for more information.
My art is, as all expressions of my Being seem to be, a catalyst for transformation. My beautiful friend Britt Nielsen saw this painting and wrote:
Sweating profusely as what was drips away as the fire burns... her skin glistens at the possibilities and dreams to come.
“Don’t be afraid to see. Peer deeply into my soul. See your darkest secrets reflected back. They are not to be feared for they have been transmuted to the very light of who you are at your truest. Now as you gaze into my eyes allow yourself to open to the cosmos. Experience what is beyond. All in a breath...”
Aaahhhh.... I invite you to look deeply into her eyes and allow the invitation to dance with you.
Ever since my group work The art of being and becoming came to a close in December, and I didn't have to be present in the same way, I feel I stepped outside of time.
To source my next creation. That which is mine to do. That which I choose to do. I call it Bliss 2.0. (bliss is the core signature of the body of work that flows through me). As I rebirthed, recreated and reimagined what bliss 2.0 can look like on this beautiful planet of ours, there wasn't space for much else as it required, demanded, invited all of me. These pieces of work are so big and take months to source, and whilst I do, they wrap me in a lover's embrace, ensuring that each cell is infused with what is needed. Reconstructed in a way. Recreated. I dissolve over and over again to be reborn. Until all of me is renewed. My vibrational signature unrecognizable from what it once was.
In this journey of bliss reimagined, two concepts have taken centre stage. They are my key pillars of creation: The Cosmic Humm and the Black Hole.
As I lay there cuddled in bed, a live wire for consciousness to pour through, I could feel my entire body humming. The foundation creational humm of the universe. It is a subliminal sound found in everything. The key building block that the universe uses to create something from nothing. It is soft and gentle and yet can be so loud and deafening that it can uncreate. Destroy. To create something new in its place. Forever expansion includes destruction. In order to step into our 'next' we have to be willing to let go of what was... (I had never heard of the cosmic humm before but after it flooded my awareness so potently I looked it up and it's a 'real' thing!)
And the black hole. About a month before NASA captured the very first image of the black hole on April 19th, the consciousness of the black hole called me so strongly. Not just as a destructive force, but as a creational one. A journey, an initiation, an activation that I had to surrender to, rise through and learn how to co-create with in order to embody my 'next'. What I learnt was that each cell of ours contains the consciousness of a black hole. And if harnessed, it acts as an inverse creational force.
All throughout this time, I felt I was in a gravitational vortex not of this world, learning about, co-creating with, mastering consciousness singularity, creating something out of nothing in a way not previously perceived possible, and dancing with Time in a rhythm that I still haven't found words for. A moment became forever as I was invited to step out of time to learn what was being shown and sourced.
The first ever image of a black hole, shared by NASA on the 19th of April
At the end of last year, I was told that I was sick. The kind of 'you are dying sick'. I had to first make a choice of whether or not I wanted a new or 'next' chapter in my life and once that choice was made- it was a YES!, though it took me a moment to come to that as I felt such completion in my life- I had to find the pathways to heal and heal fast as I didn't really have the luxury of time.
These new capacities of the cosmic humm and the black hole allowed me to infuse pure consciousness into my physical body template in a way that allowed me to heal everything from heart disease to liver damage. Kidney problems to beginning stages of M.S. (amongst a host of many other serious symptoms). I introduced my body to the consciousness of infinity (the cosmic humm) and the transcendence of death (the black hole) and it responded. (Another word for pure consciousness is enlightenment but I don't like that word as it has too many heavy connotations attached to it)
This body of work has wanted to go out into the world and I have been procrastinating. Desiring more time for myself. To be still, to explore who I am in this new space. It's call and pull are getting stronger by the day however and I can't ignore it any longer.
So... NEW GROUP WORK IS (finally) HERE!
For more info. click HERE
I made this painting below as a catalyst for transformation. She contains layers upon layers of energy work. As someone who can see 'beyond' said about her:
'I almost feel the elements of the image moving as I look. (In the movie 'the butterfly effect') there was this specific music that would play each time the guy's life changed, like things clicking in place. I 'hear' the music in my head as I see the elements move...your artwork is truly an incredible experience."
If she calls to you, she is for sale for $175, and if you so desire, I will infuse her with energy specific to and for you. (She is 12x16 inches on canvas)
March. Each month the energy shifts. Can you feel it?
I'm sitting out on my porch, the sun is shining and I am seeing a plethora of flowers exclaiming the exuberant delight of spring. ⠀
It's chilly and I'm bundled in my coat and scarf but everything around me is exclaiming: spring, awaken, rise, emerge, life! ⠀
My inner landscape is no longer bound in the void, being unmade once again. No longer contracted, unraveled, loosing the self to re-imagine myself anew. ⠀
There is a sense of quiet. ⠀
Of stillness. ⠀
I feel ready. For my next. To create. ⠀
Yet, I can't find the first note of the song. ⠀
There are no tendrils of possibility to press my fingertips against. ⠀
No visions that emanate from a soul desire. ⠀
There is simply a blank canvas that is waiting for my first brush stroke. ⠀
The only sense that I have is that the note is there, but I can not find it as I do not yet have the conceptual framework to know what it is that I am hearing, sensing, perceiving. So there is emptiness. ⠀
Sometimes, when one has been undone and remade for months on end in the void, the 'new' is like a galaxy of unknown shapes and forms. The eyes don't know what they are seeing as they have never seen it before. The ears don't know what they are hearing, the senses are confounded because what is wanting to be created is beyond what was known before, beyond what this reality had offered before.⠀
I sit here.⠀ Asking. ⠀
How can I align with this that I have an awareness of yet can not perceive? ⠀
What energy, space consciousness can I be to meet this in exquisite celebration and ecstatic communion?⠀
What source points can I connect to to allow this dance to commence? ⠀
So I sit here. Asking. And trusting. Yes. In order to navigate this crazy journey, there has to be so very much faith and trust. In the internal. And the external. ⠀
And I know, that this crazy sweet life that I have been given is worth every second of this journey into the unknown. ⠀
Wherever you are in the spectrum of deep diving within and the joys of spring blossoming, know that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Trust your own cycles of becoming. You do not conform to a single blueprint as you are uniquely you.
The energy changed.
I have written about January. Shared the challenges. The feelings of discomfort and unfamiliarity. Trying to find a new shape, a new way and being asked to sit not in the void but in the in-between-space. No longer inhabiting the known and yet unable to find the new that has been envisioned, desired, intentionalised. ⠀
I felt The Shift. ⠀
I felt SPACE after what seems like Forever of being contracted and confined. I could move, I could breathe. ⠀
There have been days that the heavens opened. ⠀
The download, upload, inload POURED IN. ⠀
I felt like I was a live wire. The lightening and the thunder, the storm, the wind whipping against the trees, the earth meeting up to meet the heavens. ⠀
I felt like I was a raging elemental force and I COULD NOT BE STOPPED. ⠀
I found my NEW. ⠀Everything has been changing. ⠀
A complete rewiring of me, how I work and who I am. ⠀
A restructuring of my consciousness that is allowing the potency of my work to be as much of a force - if not more!- within the body as it has been in consciousness. A better way of saying it is that there is no longer a division between being and body.
This new way of being allows me to fuse consciousness into cellular memory in a way that allows the physical body template that we have to step into quantum space. The more power that streams through me, the more EASE my body is experiencing. This new way of being and sourcing and becoming allows for an end to ascension symptoms, to the physical body trying to 'catch up' with the many continuous shifts and upgrades in consciousness. And of course dis-ease in the physical body can shift effortlessly... this is a whole new playing field...
If a label clarifies my words, then I would say that I have become a body whisperer. ⠀
However, I want to be very clear. This is not about me opening to my next and being able to do what others have done before me. This is about changing the very fabric of what is possible with the body. ⠀
WE are the ones that are changing the world, and this is me, doing my part. ⠀
Possible group offerings to come late March/April. My desire and intention: ⠀
TO ALLOW YOU AND YOUR BODY TO FUSE TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY AND EXPRESSION OF YOUR DIVINITY.
It's time to move beyond anything that challenges us to live fully unleashed, fully expressed, fully delighting and reveling in this beautiful gift called LIFE. It is time to SHINE and we can't do that if we are struggling on any level. I trust that you hear the call and join me on this journey. I know it allows for a quantum shift in what is possible for the body and our very human experience in the world.
2018 brought me to my knees.
I know many have fully stepped into 2019 and it may seem odd for me to be writing about 2018 but when I feel into - and what I am embodying- is that this is liminal space. The space 'in between'. (The dictionary speaks of liminal as: 'occupying a position at, or on both sides of a boundary or threshold.')
I can still feel 2018. Its imprint. Its song. Echoing through parts of me.
Departing, letting go, releasing. Yes. But slowly. Gradually. Like a lover who is lingering, reluctant to say good-bye.
2018 brought me to my knees.
There are so many spaces and places to look at this from.
This is what I know:
I asked for an 'upleveling' (what a strange word that is indeed) and everything (and I mean everything) that was not in vibrational resonance with that next step of my becoming showed itself in its fullness.
An invitation to let go, release, surrender old ways of being and allow something entirely new. Something unknown and unimagined.
Here's the thing about things that bring one to one's knees:
They are the patterns, the ways of being that have been so deeply ingrained, so very much part of who we are, that we are blindsided.
Until the moment that we are ready.
For a transformation that will alter the fabric of our foundation, our existence, our sense of self.
It is a sacred moment. A powerful moment.
A moment where the universe meets you in your yearning for the moreness of you.
To unlock. To unleash. To ignite.
And it brings one to one's knees.
And here I am.
My 8 week 'Being and Becoming' series last year (nov. & dec.) has set that which desires to be created into motion for this year. And beyond.
I can feel that that piece is complete. It is done. And it will unfold as I choose it step by step.
But for right now, I sit in liminal space.
Slowly moving my body into new shapes, into the things to come.
I can feel my breath continuing to digest the enormity of 2018, whilst breathing in the newness of 2019.
And 2019, aaaahhh, how sweet she feels.
It's like a slow tantalizing love affair. Our eyes have met across the room, I feel her magnetic pull, the promises of new delights, the invitation to come close and explore a new landscape.
My feet, my body turn in her direction, but I know. I know that I need just a little more time before I dance again.
Happy new year beautiful!
May this year wrap you in Grace and be the start of something utterly divine and delicious.
I have been feeling an encompassing sense of 'completeness' in my life. The body of work that has been downloading and uploading (heaven and earth) into me, and that I have been sourcing for 10 years, that guided me step by step in all areas of my life was complete. It would pour into me, day and night. An ever present call that I would respond to, opening to the next and the next and the next... Until one day I woke up... and there was nothing. It was complete. I experienced not stillness but a sense of 'emptiness'. As if my purpose was complete. That which I had agreed to do somewhere somewhen beyond this human lifetime had come to a close.
There was nothing else to do but stand in that space of unknowingness, that empty space without dreams and desires and simply breath. And wait. And as the days became weeks a still voice whispered: reach out, connect, share this moment in time. So I did. I wrote to Soleira Green whom I consider to be my cosmic fairy god mother, knowing, feeling, sensing that by speaking and writing the words, and being met in this space, something would be possible that had not been thus far. That I might find my way into something for which I as yet had no words, sensing just the slightest frisson of a nameless possibility.
Saturday, the 10th of November. I felt deeply called to a sound bath- which in and of itself was unusual as I am not often drawn to such things. But this time I simply knew that I had to be there. The event was held in a beautiful old church in downtown L.A. and the space, lit by candles and purple light was gorgeous. The moment the event began and sound wrapped itself around me, I was 'gone'. My human self slept whilst my consciousness traveled on a sound beam. I went 'home'. A place where I was deeply nourished, a place where I could dream a new dream for my life.
90 minutes later as the sound bath ended, I returned to my body, knowing that I had been very intentional in my dreaming, very precise with my requests. I had brought a new template through, a new creation, a new chapter for my life.
The next day, the cosmic 'goo' available, the creational possibilities, the frequencies of exquisite, were extraordinary, unlike anything that I had access to or experienced before. I know many felt this on 11-11 and I am so grateful that that I am part of a collective consciousness that sources at this level, that knows itself as a creational force on this level.
The frequencies and particular configuration of possibilities that we opened to on 11-11 are still subtle, still weaving themselves into the collective consciousness step by step but it is there for those who desire it. 11-11 invited us all to take a next step in consciousness which in turn will allow events to unfold that will bring us that much closer to living in a world of beauty- for all.
The day of the dead celebrations.
My first time.
Doorways and portals and dimensions opening to my understanding of life and death and self and other.
Of not the cycle of life and death but the communion between the two.
Life and death create each other, support each other, define each other. A constant communion of a continuum.
As I was walking in the Hollywood Forever cemetery where the celebrations were being held, gazing upon the alters and offerings in awe, I asked the energy, space, consciousness of the day of the dead to contribute to me that which it desired. I longed to dance with it.
I felt the energy moving, slowly at first and then consuming and embracing the space that I am. I felt the consciousness of it move deep into my heart and I opened. Reverence. Awe. The continuum. The constant communion between life and death.
The next day, I felt so incredibly vibrant and alive. The day of the dead had gifted me the vibrancy and aliveness of life. We human beings live at the cusp of a paradox. We are embodiments and manifestations of a dream of dizzying proportions.
I have also found that every person who has been abused or violated in some way holds 'death' energy at the back of their hearts. If that is not opened to and received it will manifest in one's life at some point. Be it in health, relationship or a continuous sense of limitation and contraction that stops the grace filled flow that life can be. Death holds an invitation to us to LIVE, heart wide open.
May we all receive it on this day where life and death are so tangibly communing, saturating the air around us with an invitation to celebrate it All.
The weather changed. The energy changed, the rhythm changed.
From a perpetual slow dance with the molecules in the air, I've slipped into a rumba at the very least, with sensual moves and hip undulations. Life is inviting me to partner with it in a different way. There have been flights and workshops and adventures and experiences. And in the midst of it all, I find myself naturally returning to that stillness deep within in order to allow the rhythm of October to flow through me as graciously and effortlessly as possible.
There is a potency emanating from that still point that feels like an uncoiling of power. Not just personal power but collective power as well. A ripple growing into a wave that is unstoppable. I can feel it in my body, in my life, in the collective.
In this journey of transformation or as I like to call it 'the journey of being and becoming', one of the many things that I have learnt is that there is a very fluid dance between 'I' and 'we'. Rumi's words 'you are the universe in ecstatic motion' touches upon a profound truth on many levels. My life, your life, is not separate from what is occurring 'out there' as we move through the dream we call reality as one organism, the human race.
In the midst of all of this movement, the chaos inherent in these times, may you find your still point so that you can feel the power moving through you-us-we.
On a magical night under the full moon, I had the privilege of gazing upon this dragon made solely out of plants and flowers. It delights me that I can share this image with you. May we all soar on dragon wings.
I've been procrastinating on writing this monthly musing. Simply because the energies and experiences that September has invited into do not yet have one clear 'tone', which would translate into a specific shape and form. Clarity. There is as yet no 'this is the way', showing me the steps to take, the path to walk.
When September started, the opening into a different vibration, a different space was so tangible. A feeling of being able to spread my wings and move in a way that felt so... I'm searching for the word... almost orgasmic. Like the very air touching my skin was saying 'the descent into darkness and stillness and formlessness within this cycle has ended and this space (and energy and consciousness) is completely new, with new information in the spaces between to caress you, to invite you, to carry you into new heights.
And so it was. And yes, so it is. AND the reverberations of formlessness still ripple out into my world, ensuring that stillness remains in some ares. A timeless waiting for the form to fully reveal itself. A remnant of a sense of standing on the precipice, breathing not quite in the dark but not yet in the light either.
An AND AND, not an either or, which I have found to be one of the principles of so much of our lives. We are incredible majestic beings of infinite splendor AND we are fragile vulnerable human beings living our sometimes very messy moments in the best ways we know how.
One of the ways that the newness of September has shown itself in my life thus far is that time is again unfolding within a rhythm of rapid beats. Gone are the days of being cocooned within my home, my bed, listening to the silence. The invitation of the energies is to go out and play. To laugh and enjoy and live and love and allow myself to be filled up by the utter delectableness of life. There have been late summer swims in still warm water, hikes up hills under the moonlight, concerts and movies and gardens to visit. Flights to book, people to meet, dreams to turn into reality. Time is no longer a slow dance but rather inviting some rock and roll moves!
One of the most exquisite immersions that I have had recently was at Paul Simon's farewell concert, which happened to be 3 minutes away from my house, in a beautiful outdoor amphitheater. We sat outside on the hills, underneath the moon and stars and listened to, or rather, partook in what is thus far my most sublime concert experience.
He was MASTERFUL. In both musical spirt and soul. There was presence and potency and an understanding of how to transport us all into a different space of possibility.
I feel transformed by the experience as I remember dancing with the sweat pouring down my sweet body, crying with tears feeling like holy water.
I am uplifted. Transformed. In the sheer awe and bliss and love of life. So full of gratitude for this man. Great King, Live Forever.
May the newness of September wrap itself around you and bring you ease and laughter and joy and love and everything good in life.
There is so much happening in my world. And yet, if you looked at my life I think it would be easy to miss it, to just see the ‘normal’ every day routine-ness of things (which is pretty magical in its own right). But there is something more. Something as yet unseen but viscerally felt. The energy has been building. Just a week or so ago, on Saturday evening I had a migraine, on Sunday evening a spider bit me and my leg got hot and swollen, on Monday evening my back collapsed- at which point I lay there, completely immobile and laughed so very much. (Don’t worry, because of the energy work that I do I can move through these things relatively quickly- nothing lasts more than 24 hours at most). I knew that the expansions and integrations of the last 6 months were not just landing and being embodied but that the energy of that which wants to happen was moving through my body out into the world to connect, magnetize, and actualize the forces that will facilitate this next step in my life. And for someone who jealously guards the delicious spaciousness of her present status quo, and is so very comfortable in her ‘behind the scene-ness’, there is a fair share of ‘I don’t wanna, leave me alone, I’m doing perfectly fine just where I am’. And I am. There is no sense of lack in my world, in any sense of the word. However, as my ode to life is ‘Universe, dance me’, how can I not surrender. Let go. Allow. Receive. Get out of the way and simultaneously show up…
So I looked at myself. Deeply. Compassionately. Not from a space of ‘what is wrong’ but from a space of ‘how can I hold this differently’? How can I reweave the patterns so that there can be flow from a space of ever expanding rightness. As the universe is ever expanding and as I am a microcosm of that, how can I align with, embody, allow that principle, that truth to hold me, to partner with me, to create with me. And the next step, how can I allow that which is being created - as yet unseen but so very felt- to unleash itself, to grow itself into its maturity, to hold itself so that it is its own creation.
So that it is its own creation.
Birthed through me, yes, a dream touched upon by my finger tips as I slept. But nothing more.
It doesn’t have to be anything more than that… That is how easy and magical I know that life and living can be. As we walk upon and with the earth allowing ourselves to be the gift that we are. That is how easy Creation can be. A dream dreamt for a moment and exhaled out into the world. A moment is all it takes...
One moment is all that it takes.
Nothing has been the same since I took that moment to reweave and align. I have stepped into stillness once again. Into spaciousness. Knowing that it is done. I don’t know what is going to happen. Or even if something is going to happen. But there is nothing more to do. I am simply present. I show up. I allow. I receive.
I share with you some words that I read on social media that touched me deeply, shared by Blossom Benedict:
'as you are.' says the universe.
'after . . .' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'before . . .' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'when . . .' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'how . . .' you answer.
'as you are.' says the universe.
'why . . .' you answer.
you are happening right now.
right at this moment
the thing that both keeps me alive
brings me to my knees.
you don't even know how breathtaking you
as you are.' says the universe through tears.
-- as you are | you are the prayer