Taking a moment to gather the energies and experiences of 2020...
When covid-19 announced its presence in the world and we were asked to shelter at home, the outside world slowed down as we each returned to the sanctuary of our four walls.
But simultaneously for so many of us who have been working in consciousness, a 'quickening' occurred. We knew that this was the time that we were meant to step up, to shine that light and say: this way, here is a path you can walk, this is where we are going. And we did. Each in our unique way, with our unique gifts held that light so that we could find our way into the new that is beckoning.
As the intensity of the covid-19 experience waned, the anti-racism protests erupted. A tidal wave of heat was channeled through as a people said 'ENOUGH'!!! You could feel the energetic purge as the movement battered against institutions that uphold ways of being that do not stand for truth and love and unity and the principle of one human race.
Just this last week-end we entered into the crucible of the summer solstice-solar eclipse- new moon. And I could feel the energy shift yet again. It was as if old festering pain within the collective was lanced with laser like precision through an in-pouring of cosmic love and life that nothing could withstand. An old reality crumbled and hope poured through like the breaking of a new dawn.
I can feel so much newness swirling all around me, paths of creativity and possibility opening with dizzying speed. The image of a child in an ice-cream shop having difficulty choosing her flavor comes to mind, smiles.
I know we are not even close to being 'done'. I know that so much more needs to change before we are living in a world that celebrates each living sentient being as an emanation of the God-spark within. And I know that we will continue to rise to the occasion, each time finding pathways to each other's hearts until there will be only one rythm that beats through all of us.
If you have been following me for a while, you know that I am someone who likes to take the time to allow an unfolding within myself before I give language to energy as language delineates, structures and gives meaning and should be used carefully. (no random shouting in this space, smiles) Which is why I haven't written about this earlier. And... here I am.
In the US we have been and are going through yet another intensity with the focal lens being police brutality against black people, within the larger framework of ongoing discrimination against African Americans in the US.
This touches close to home for many reasons. I live in Atlanta that has a large African American community, I live in a black neighborhood and most of the people in my 3-d world have skins that are more melanated than mine. And I've experienced my fair share of racism, especially after 9/11 when it would sometimes feel intolerable to be living in Amsterdam because of the way that I was being treated due to the color of my skin. It was one of the reasons that I left.
When I first read George Floyd's last words, it brought me to my knees (literally) as I sobbed my heart out. I believe that that was the only sane response that I could have had. And I believe that there is a higher intelligence at work. Always. That brutality, those words, at this time, filmed for the whole world to see were meant to pierce our hearts. Into an opening into ENOUGH!!!, into UNITY, into WE STAND FOR LOVE AND ONE RACE. WE STAND FOR BLACK LIVES MATTER. Whatever apathy and numbness stopped us from seeing the insanity was shattered in that moment.
There are so many layers of this conversation. Each important in its own right.
And if we step back we can start to see the divine orchestration at play.
I believe that all of the work that so many of us have done in the last years, decades, allowed and is allowing a consciousness shift where we can no longer treat each other with anything less than mutual respect and acknowledgment of each other's humanity and divinity. I believe that all of the work that we have done in consciousness to create a more beautiful world is creating this intensity of chaos as old paradigms shatter and we step into the birthing space of the new. Messy, painful, intense, challenging.
And I believe that there are other forces at play. The forces that allowed our ancestors to predict these times. The astrological forces that create a perfect alignment in the heavens so that the collective shadow can no longer be hidden. And the earth. As we stand on the precipice of the 6th mass extinction (Bruce Lipton talks about this) why would we think that the earth, a majestic sentient being in her own right, would not require us to change. Into a way of being that acknowledges, uplifts and celebrates ALL of LIFE. Why would we think that the sentiency and consciousness of LIFE itself would not put forces into play that necessitate a fundamental shift in consciousness for us to continue to live and thrive on this planet.
We are co-creating with LIFE and DEATH itself to ensure the ascendancy of this planet and every living creature upon it.
It is messy and hard and difficult at times.
And I know that we choose this, that we were born for this, that we are unfolding into our divinity so we can co-create a future that will take our breath away.
We are going to do the miraculous.
So many parts of the world are tip toeing out of quarantine. As I look back at these last weeks/months, there are certain people and online experiences that have been such a spark of joy in my world, lifting me higher. I want to share them with you, also because I know that these experiences are going to be continued to be offered online.
I have been following Nic's work for probably a decade and finally went to his workshop in 2018. It was one of the highlights of my year. The utter presence that flows through his work, the quality of the field that one is seeped in is like nothing I've experienced anywhere else. It is a profound homecoming. His mantra: 'There is no one to be, nothing to become' (or something like that, smiles). You can find his work HERE.
Ruth Gould Goodman
I feel privileged to call Ruth a friend of mine. She is one of the first wise women I've ever met, and also one of the first who showed me the pathways of the body. Holding space for me to dance before her so she could guide me deeper into self, deeper into truth and embodiment and love. Many of my first teachers I have 'outgrown' in a way and their work no longer resonates with me. Not Ruth. She has continued to evolve and grow her body of work and her offering is an utterly sublime point of consciousness. You can find her work HERE.
(She's currently offering an online 4 week deep dive that I don't see on her website so if you are interested, please e-mail her)
A few years ago I immersed myself in a zero balancing workshop because I wanted to learn how to work with the energy of bones. I often find body based modalities constricting. My experience of zerobalancing was the opposite. It opened doors to structure and balance that I haven't found anywhere else. Fritz Smith, the founder of zero balancing is offering a 'smile meditation' for free till the end of June. The space held, the fullness and layering of consciousness and frequency is utterly breathtaking. You can find it HERE.
I'm currently watching a documentary series called Superhuman. Though it's clear that there wasn't enough money to have the sound mixing done well, and the camera man is not always where s/he should be to make a scene work, being able to tune into human beings who have done the extraordinary and who are rarely if ever taped whilst doing it is an incredible experience for me. You can watch a 6 minute excerpt HERE.
Queen of the Desert
I've watched this movie three times thus far and know that I will watch it again soon. It captures the life of Getrude Bell, a woman who literally shaped the course of human history leaving behind a breathtaking legacy. I was soo surprised that I hadn't heard of her in my decade long study of anthropology, history and law. Apart from the fact that this woman is the embodiment of LIFE, I loved the rhythm of the movie. The stillness, the unhurried pace, the 'poetry of living' as Nicole Kidman (who plays Getrude) says. You can find the movie HERE.
Can you know a person by their likes and dislikes? Not necessarily. but you can certainly know something about them. If I look at my love list, the quality of energy that they have in common is that they all open to and explore the mystery, the life force, that which can not be understood by the rational mind. They all stand at the cusp of the invisible, surrendering to the unknown. And that, yes that is the essence of my body of work as well.
Happy Earth Day...
Some questions, some reflections..
What if there is an intimate exquisite relationship between your body and the earth?
What if your body has a sentiency, a consciousness, a voice all of its own?
What if your body has creational capacities and wisdom codes that are so potent and catalytic that opening to them would transform your life, transform YOU.
What if opening to your body lights up the earth, allowing the earth to co-create with you, gift to you, be received by you, be heard by you in a way that is so far beyond thought that we haven't quite fathomed it yet?
What if opening to your body transforms and transcends the earth into her own potency, beauty and magic, into her next becoming? What she longs and desires to be?
What if your body is the way 'in' to a catalytic transformative co-creative dance with the consciousness of earth itself?
What if coming home to our bodies would mean coming home to this earth. What if we could reimagine what being human means through a co-creative dance with our bodies and the earth?
What if we could reimagine what being human means...
The questions are endless. The invitation, limitless.
We stand at the precipice.
Of something that will change the course of human history.
But we do still have to CHOOSE.
What if the choice was as simple as choosing our bodies? To choose the earth. To reimagine our humanity.
I sit here in front of a blank computer screen and the words lie in silence within me. I can't easily find them. And there is such a rightness to that as we are still in liminal space, a time of stillness. Of going within, of dropping through time.
The Void, the Mystery, the unformedness of it All. To be Still. To allow ourselves that moment where we will be remade by something so much bigger than ourselves. Be that the Mystery of time or the seasons or the consciousness of endings and beginnings, of the year that is still new. All of it ties together in a potency of stillness.
The question arises: to what extent can I allow this invitation? Or am I allowing the busyness of the moment to eclipse the call? I feel the potency and primal call of lying on the earth, hearing the heartbeat of this beautiful moment against my cheek, my skin, the beat of my own heart synchronizing with that cosmic humm that thrums up through my feet. The tears shed are a testament to the exquisite ache and beauty and gift of life as I breathe thank-you into the brittle leaves and wetness of the soil around the fire pit.
Welcoming 2020 into the cauldron of my soul.
Be Still to Feel it All.
Being human. What does it mean? This. This intensity. This ache. This longing. This beauty. This creation and desire and need to express and be and love and long and create and create and create. To be still. Against the heartbeat of the earth.
To be still.
Things can shift in an instant...
Thanksgiving, just a little less than two weeks ago but it feels like an ocean of time.
It was such a reset moment for me. I felt grateful for so very much, whilst simultaneously I found myself writing about how I desire my December to be. What feeling do I want to be elevating and celebrating? What quality of flow? How much can I honor and elevate and celebrate myself? Knowing that that is never ever a selfish thing as I can give so much more lusciously if I am filled within.
This year has been a crucible of intensity in many ways.
This last thanksgiving I intentionally emptied myself of all the strings of challenge that were still attached to that. How much cellular memory can I let go of? How much empty space can I create in order to calibrate to something that feels so much more delightfully ease filled. Those are the desires, the contemplations and reflections that are weaving their way through my days.
I absolutely believe that a beautiful life is an intentional life. Much is outside of our 'control' but our intentionality creates a container that has immense co-creative power.
We entered December.
The trees lost their leaves seemingly overnight and as I gaze out the window, their bare limbs reflect back to me such potent truth.
I've spent so much of this last week journaling, emptying, pouring myself out.
I've written many words and yet know that the words are in fact not that important.
It is the desire, the visceral pull to empty, to let go that is the creation of the void into which the new and next will be poured into.
Releasing, empty, gathering.
Can you feel the gathering that is occurring as well?
We are gathering ourselves for our coming year, our coming decade.
I think most of us can feel the significance of what is about to occur.
So we, each in our own way, dream ourselves anew as we breathe this liminal space.
Wishing for you the most magical of December dreaming!
I still remember that evening some years ago (I forget the exact year). It was new year's eve, I was sitting in front of a roaring fire going through both my day planner and my diary as a way to remember the year past before I let it go to step into the newness that was beckoning.
As I was reading, my heart sank as I realized how much weight I was giving on a daily basis to things that were challenging and felt contractive in some way, and how little I celebrated and gave thanks for all the beauty in my life.
That moment was a turning point. From that day onwards, for years, every night before I went to sleep, I would write down something beautiful that had happened, something that uplifted my heart and allowed me to feel grateful.
What you focus on grows. It really does. Did my life change? Not necessarily, but my experience of my life changed. I changed. Gratitude started to become the norm, a default state more often than not. As I was constantly looking for things to be grateful for, I started living in that state of Grace. Because that is really what is is: Grace.
Fast forwards a few years. Beauty started calling my name. I can't remember exactly why or when but one day (this is after I got an I-phone, smiles), I decided that I would have a 'beauty moment' in every day, no matter what. I would take a moment in every day to pick up my phone and go and look for something beautiful to photograph. When I found it, I would give myself over to it completely. Sit with it, celebrate it, love it, expand it, deepen it. I would immerse myself in it until I felt saturated by the beauty of that moment. And then I would go back to my day.
This 'beauty moment' had the same impact as writing down what I was grateful for in a day. It expanded and grew until so much of my life became about the exploration, the experience, the devotion and surrender to beauty.
Beauty and gratitude have become my constant companions. They are always there, offering me their grace. It is the cultivation of these practices that sustained me in the months that I was so very sick. That held out a lifeline to joy and light, even when I couldn't get out of bed.
I recently wrote to a client, 'it's (the road to happiness) not all about the energy work. It's about an alignment between one's inner landscape and what one cultivates in one's external reality.'
Thanksgiving is around the corner and I am so grateful that I can surrender myself into the larger collective field of gratitude. To give thanks. To remember Grace. And yes, I have booked a cottage near the beach and curated beauty to amplify the field of exquisiteness, smiles.
No matter what is unfolding in our lives, we all have choice. Of what we focus on, what we surrender to, what we live in the name of.
Thank-you so very much for allowing me into your world. For allowing me to write to you. For allowing me to feel that connection that binds us together.
Have you ever experienced LIFE pouring through you?
Love seeping into you through the molecules in the air?
Feeling energy revitalize your cells as the old releases out from the inside out.
Have you ever felt so deeply loved by life that you knew that no matter what happened, you were going to be fine. That life had your back.
Have you ever wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time because you felt you understood something at the very heart of this experience of life, even if you didn't have the words for it.
Because you are here, because you are reading this, I know that you've tasted at the very least a tiny morsel of what this is. I know you've opened to the mystery and even the mastery of it, even if you don't use that word. I know you know this dance. Even if it's just in a remembering through these words.
Join me this Sunday at 6 pm pacific time, 9 pm EST as we deep dive into this cosmic dance of LIFE.
This time of year is a fulcrum point for me.
I remember so vividly partaking in a day of the dead celebration last year.
My first experience of this energy.
Out of simple curiosity, I opened myself to it.
The energetic portal that is available at this time of year.
I had already been told that I was very very sick.
I was already spending most of my time in bed.
I didn't feel that I had anything to loose.
What unfolded was the most unexpected exquisite gift that I could ever be given.
As I opened to the energy of death, I felt LIFE pour into me. I felt exhilarated, revitalized, LOVED BY LIFE in a way that I had never felt before.
I had opened the doorway that would lead to knowing not just how to heal my body, and how to pour life through it by dancing with death, but how to truly LIVE in the slipstreams of exquisiteness.
How to let joy flow through me until I felt like I was dissolving with the sheer exuberance and ecstasy of it.
These are the energies that we are going to be dancing with. The energies of LIFE in its FULL spectrum that allowed me to heal my physical body of diabetes, kidney failure, heart disease, early stages of Alzheimers and M.S to name a few.
Please join me. We are going to be extraordinary.
Sunday the 3rd of November, 6 pm pacific, 9 pm EST. for 45 minutes
payment can be made through the link on this page:
I share these words with you as an invitation. An invitation to drop into a deeper knowing of yourself. Of that which is occurring underneath the surface. To allow the essence of that wisdom to move through you, to allow that to be the source of magic and love and healing and transformation in your world. To allow that to expand your capacity to hold both the vulnerability of being human and the glory of being a majestic infinite being living at this moment in time. We are both. Always. How can we live as that in each moment?
That is always the inquiry, the journey, the desire.
The last time you heard from me was months ago, just before the summer solstice, just before my group work Reinventing Self commenced, just before I flew to Los Angeles.
These 3 energies - the summer solstice, Los Angeles, and Reinventing Self- acted as a trifecta that ushered me into a space of the exquisite delight of living, of unleashing and being everything that I had become, whilst effortlessly holding the space for forever more.
I understood that in all those moments of quiet and stillness and solitude whilst I was healing my physical body through consciousness and energy and a deep dive into my own internal landscape, that I had in fact been doing so much more.
I had been opening up my body to a level of joy and exquisite delight that I had not known before. Walking the beaches of Los Angeles, I was suffused by it. By my capacity to commune with the ocean, to unleash into joy, to live heart wide open, no barriers, no restraints. Without realising it, I had broken myself open beyond what was known before.
I celebrated this summer. Myself. Life. The ever present Grace that is offered us if trust, have faith, allow and surrender. Against seemingly insurmountable odds.
Reinventing Self completed on the 1st of September. It took me 6 weeks of stillness to be with the immensity of what had unfolded before I could open myself to the world again. Before I could say: here I am in my beauty and vulnerability and power and potency. And I do feel that. An increased desire to show up in this tangible 3-d world. To walk as the power that I am. To shift the balance between the sourcing behind the veil and that which I allow to be seen in the world.
We are nearing All hallow's eve and the Day of the Dead. This is a potent time. For me. For us. A time that last year showed me how to heal and how to LIVE. That showed me what being human meant in at its very essence. To be continued...
As always, time has been having its way with me. Stretching out into forever, collapsing into the present moment, speeding up, slowing down. I've been slow dancing with it and having moments of delightful frenzied giggly giddiness as well. As always living the paradoxes of being human in its almost infinite variety and wave of experiences and emotions.
We stand at the cusp of the summer solstice. A time of sunshine and an invitation to celebrate life in its sweet summer glory. Honestly, I'm not quite there yet in its entirety. There is a grand (and that does feel like the right word: grand) re-birthing occurring in my life, in my world. Parts of me have arrived into the 'new and next' but I can sense spaces within me that are still deeply submerged in winter, some in spring. Parts that need more time to be in the starkness of the dark, other parts that feel like they are tiny buds after a hard winter, emerging but not blossoming yet.
And so I am gentle with all of me. I know that it has been more than a year and a half and I catch this voice in my head at times that says 'still, you're still here?!' but I know it for what it is. Human time. Human perception. What does it know of the magic and mysteries of the soul? What does it know of the grandness of what is occurring? The majestic mystery of what is needed to birth something exquisite into the world. Every piece of art that has moved people and touched the very essence of truth took time to create. A journey of being and becoming before something came into form that was a transparent reflection of an internal experience and language honed in the fires of unknowing. I know that is how deeply I desire to live. That close to the essence of truth. That place where the expression of soul is tempered into something utterly indescribable in its raw beauty and humanity and humbleness and divinity and majesty and all knowingness.
So wherever you are in your own being and becoming, know that your seasons are unique to you. You follow your own timelines, your own evolutionary spiral with its unique signature. Give yourself the gift of curiosity, of willingness to inquire deeply, to allow truth to emerge, to know yourself as something utterly grand.
My group work Reinventing Self is a large part of birthing spaces and places, energies and consciousnesses within myself that were still dancing the dark. I'm going deeper than ever before. (which if you know me at all sounds a tad bit ludicrous, smiles)
I am opening up the group container for this second month - starting THIS THURSDAY- so if you feel the call, NOW is the time. It is the most potent container of transformation that I've ever offered, on every level.
Please click HERE for more information.
My art is, as all expressions of my Being seem to be, a catalyst for transformation. My beautiful friend Britt Nielsen saw this painting and wrote:
Sweating profusely as what was drips away as the fire burns... her skin glistens at the possibilities and dreams to come.
“Don’t be afraid to see. Peer deeply into my soul. See your darkest secrets reflected back. They are not to be feared for they have been transmuted to the very light of who you are at your truest. Now as you gaze into my eyes allow yourself to open to the cosmos. Experience what is beyond. All in a breath...”
Aaahhhh.... I invite you to look deeply into her eyes and allow the invitation to dance with you.