I sit here in front of a blank computer screen and the words lie in silence within me. I can't easily find them. And there is such a rightness to that as we are still in liminal space, a time of stillness. Of going within, of dropping through time.
The Void, the Mystery, the unformedness of it All. To be Still. To allow ourselves that moment where we will be remade by something so much bigger than ourselves. Be that the Mystery of time or the seasons or the consciousness of endings and beginnings, of the year that is still new. All of it ties together in a potency of stillness.
The question arises: to what extent can I allow this invitation? Or am I allowing the busyness of the moment to eclipse the call? I feel the potency and primal call of lying on the earth, hearing the heartbeat of this beautiful moment against my cheek, my skin, the beat of my own heart synchronizing with that cosmic humm that thrums up through my feet. The tears shed are a testament to the exquisite ache and beauty and gift of life as I breathe thank-you into the brittle leaves and wetness of the soil around the fire pit.
Welcoming 2020 into the cauldron of my soul.
Be Still to Feel it All.
Being human. What does it mean? This. This intensity. This ache. This longing. This beauty. This creation and desire and need to express and be and love and long and create and create and create. To be still. Against the heartbeat of the earth.
To be still.
Things can shift in an instant...
Thanksgiving, just a little less than two weeks ago but it feels like an ocean of time.
It was such a reset moment for me. I felt grateful for so very much, whilst simultaneously I found myself writing about how I desire my December to be. What feeling do I want to be elevating and celebrating? What quality of flow? How much can I honor and elevate and celebrate myself? Knowing that that is never ever a selfish thing as I can give so much more lusciously if I am filled within.
This year has been a crucible of intensity in many ways.
This last thanksgiving I intentionally emptied myself of all the strings of challenge that were still attached to that. How much cellular memory can I let go of? How much empty space can I create in order to calibrate to something that feels so much more delightfully ease filled. Those are the desires, the contemplations and reflections that are weaving their way through my days.
I absolutely believe that a beautiful life is an intentional life. Much is outside of our 'control' but our intentionality creates a container that has immense co-creative power.
We entered December.
The trees lost their leaves seemingly overnight and as I gaze out the window, their bare limbs reflect back to me such potent truth.
I've spent so much of this last week journaling, emptying, pouring myself out.
I've written many words and yet know that the words are in fact not that important.
It is the desire, the visceral pull to empty, to let go that is the creation of the void into which the new and next will be poured into.
Releasing, empty, gathering.
Can you feel the gathering that is occurring as well?
We are gathering ourselves for our coming year, our coming decade.
I think most of us can feel the significance of what is about to occur.
So we, each in our own way, dream ourselves anew as we breathe this liminal space.
Wishing for you the most magical of December dreaming!
I still remember that evening some years ago (I forget the exact year). It was new year's eve, I was sitting in front of a roaring fire going through both my day planner and my diary as a way to remember the year past before I let it go to step into the newness that was beckoning.
As I was reading, my heart sank as I realized how much weight I was giving on a daily basis to things that were challenging and felt contractive in some way, and how little I celebrated and gave thanks for all the beauty in my life.
That moment was a turning point. From that day onwards, for years, every night before I went to sleep, I would write down something beautiful that had happened, something that uplifted my heart and allowed me to feel grateful.
What you focus on grows. It really does. Did my life change? Not necessarily, but my experience of my life changed. I changed. Gratitude started to become the norm, a default state more often than not. As I was constantly looking for things to be grateful for, I started living in that state of Grace. Because that is really what is is: Grace.
Fast forwards a few years. Beauty started calling my name. I can't remember exactly why or when but one day (this is after I got an I-phone, smiles), I decided that I would have a 'beauty moment' in every day, no matter what. I would take a moment in every day to pick up my phone and go and look for something beautiful to photograph. When I found it, I would give myself over to it completely. Sit with it, celebrate it, love it, expand it, deepen it. I would immerse myself in it until I felt saturated by the beauty of that moment. And then I would go back to my day.
This 'beauty moment' had the same impact as writing down what I was grateful for in a day. It expanded and grew until so much of my life became about the exploration, the experience, the devotion and surrender to beauty.
Beauty and gratitude have become my constant companions. They are always there, offering me their grace. It is the cultivation of these practices that sustained me in the months that I was so very sick. That held out a lifeline to joy and light, even when I couldn't get out of bed.
I recently wrote to a client, 'it's (the road to happiness) not all about the energy work. It's about an alignment between one's inner landscape and what one cultivates in one's external reality.'
Thanksgiving is around the corner and I am so grateful that I can surrender myself into the larger collective field of gratitude. To give thanks. To remember Grace. And yes, I have booked a cottage near the beach and curated beauty to amplify the field of exquisiteness, smiles.
No matter what is unfolding in our lives, we all have choice. Of what we focus on, what we surrender to, what we live in the name of.
Thank-you so very much for allowing me into your world. For allowing me to write to you. For allowing me to feel that connection that binds us together.
Have you ever experienced LIFE pouring through you?
Love seeping into you through the molecules in the air?
Feeling energy revitalize your cells as the old releases out from the inside out.
Have you ever felt so deeply loved by life that you knew that no matter what happened, you were going to be fine. That life had your back.
Have you ever wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time because you felt you understood something at the very heart of this experience of life, even if you didn't have the words for it.
Because you are here, because you are reading this, I know that you've tasted at the very least a tiny morsel of what this is. I know you've opened to the mystery and even the mastery of it, even if you don't use that word. I know you know this dance. Even if it's just in a remembering through these words.
Join me this Sunday at 6 pm pacific time, 9 pm EST as we deep dive into this cosmic dance of LIFE.
This time of year is a fulcrum point for me.
I remember so vividly partaking in a day of the dead celebration last year.
My first experience of this energy.
Out of simple curiosity, I opened myself to it.
The energetic portal that is available at this time of year.
I had already been told that I was very very sick.
I was already spending most of my time in bed.
I didn't feel that I had anything to loose.
What unfolded was the most unexpected exquisite gift that I could ever be given.
As I opened to the energy of death, I felt LIFE pour into me. I felt exhilarated, revitalized, LOVED BY LIFE in a way that I had never felt before.
I had opened the doorway that would lead to knowing not just how to heal my body, and how to pour life through it by dancing with death, but how to truly LIVE in the slipstreams of exquisiteness.
How to let joy flow through me until I felt like I was dissolving with the sheer exuberance and ecstasy of it.
These are the energies that we are going to be dancing with. The energies of LIFE in its FULL spectrum that allowed me to heal my physical body of diabetes, kidney failure, heart disease, early stages of Alzheimers and M.S to name a few.
Please join me. We are going to be extraordinary.
Sunday the 3rd of November, 6 pm pacific, 9 pm EST. for 45 minutes
payment can be made through the link on this page:
I share these words with you as an invitation. An invitation to drop into a deeper knowing of yourself. Of that which is occurring underneath the surface. To allow the essence of that wisdom to move through you, to allow that to be the source of magic and love and healing and transformation in your world. To allow that to expand your capacity to hold both the vulnerability of being human and the glory of being a majestic infinite being living at this moment in time. We are both. Always. How can we live as that in each moment?
That is always the inquiry, the journey, the desire.
The last time you heard from me was months ago, just before the summer solstice, just before my group work Reinventing Self commenced, just before I flew to Los Angeles.
These 3 energies - the summer solstice, Los Angeles, and Reinventing Self- acted as a trifecta that ushered me into a space of the exquisite delight of living, of unleashing and being everything that I had become, whilst effortlessly holding the space for forever more.
I understood that in all those moments of quiet and stillness and solitude whilst I was healing my physical body through consciousness and energy and a deep dive into my own internal landscape, that I had in fact been doing so much more.
I had been opening up my body to a level of joy and exquisite delight that I had not known before. Walking the beaches of Los Angeles, I was suffused by it. By my capacity to commune with the ocean, to unleash into joy, to live heart wide open, no barriers, no restraints. Without realising it, I had broken myself open beyond what was known before.
I celebrated this summer. Myself. Life. The ever present Grace that is offered us if trust, have faith, allow and surrender. Against seemingly insurmountable odds.
Reinventing Self completed on the 1st of September. It took me 6 weeks of stillness to be with the immensity of what had unfolded before I could open myself to the world again. Before I could say: here I am in my beauty and vulnerability and power and potency. And I do feel that. An increased desire to show up in this tangible 3-d world. To walk as the power that I am. To shift the balance between the sourcing behind the veil and that which I allow to be seen in the world.
We are nearing All hallow's eve and the Day of the Dead. This is a potent time. For me. For us. A time that last year showed me how to heal and how to LIVE. That showed me what being human meant in at its very essence. To be continued...
As always, time has been having its way with me. Stretching out into forever, collapsing into the present moment, speeding up, slowing down. I've been slow dancing with it and having moments of delightful frenzied giggly giddiness as well. As always living the paradoxes of being human in its almost infinite variety and wave of experiences and emotions.
We stand at the cusp of the summer solstice. A time of sunshine and an invitation to celebrate life in its sweet summer glory. Honestly, I'm not quite there yet in its entirety. There is a grand (and that does feel like the right word: grand) re-birthing occurring in my life, in my world. Parts of me have arrived into the 'new and next' but I can sense spaces within me that are still deeply submerged in winter, some in spring. Parts that need more time to be in the starkness of the dark, other parts that feel like they are tiny buds after a hard winter, emerging but not blossoming yet.
And so I am gentle with all of me. I know that it has been more than a year and a half and I catch this voice in my head at times that says 'still, you're still here?!' but I know it for what it is. Human time. Human perception. What does it know of the magic and mysteries of the soul? What does it know of the grandness of what is occurring? The majestic mystery of what is needed to birth something exquisite into the world. Every piece of art that has moved people and touched the very essence of truth took time to create. A journey of being and becoming before something came into form that was a transparent reflection of an internal experience and language honed in the fires of unknowing. I know that is how deeply I desire to live. That close to the essence of truth. That place where the expression of soul is tempered into something utterly indescribable in its raw beauty and humanity and humbleness and divinity and majesty and all knowingness.
So wherever you are in your own being and becoming, know that your seasons are unique to you. You follow your own timelines, your own evolutionary spiral with its unique signature. Give yourself the gift of curiosity, of willingness to inquire deeply, to allow truth to emerge, to know yourself as something utterly grand.
My group work Reinventing Self is a large part of birthing spaces and places, energies and consciousnesses within myself that were still dancing the dark. I'm going deeper than ever before. (which if you know me at all sounds a tad bit ludicrous, smiles)
I am opening up the group container for this second month - starting THIS THURSDAY- so if you feel the call, NOW is the time. It is the most potent container of transformation that I've ever offered, on every level.
Please click HERE for more information.
My art is, as all expressions of my Being seem to be, a catalyst for transformation. My beautiful friend Britt Nielsen saw this painting and wrote:
Sweating profusely as what was drips away as the fire burns... her skin glistens at the possibilities and dreams to come.
“Don’t be afraid to see. Peer deeply into my soul. See your darkest secrets reflected back. They are not to be feared for they have been transmuted to the very light of who you are at your truest. Now as you gaze into my eyes allow yourself to open to the cosmos. Experience what is beyond. All in a breath...”
Aaahhhh.... I invite you to look deeply into her eyes and allow the invitation to dance with you.
Ever since my group work The art of being and becoming came to a close in December, and I didn't have to be present in the same way, I feel I stepped outside of time.
To source my next creation. That which is mine to do. That which I choose to do. I call it Bliss 2.0. (bliss is the core signature of the body of work that flows through me). As I rebirthed, recreated and reimagined what bliss 2.0 can look like on this beautiful planet of ours, there wasn't space for much else as it required, demanded, invited all of me. These pieces of work are so big and take months to source, and whilst I do, they wrap me in a lover's embrace, ensuring that each cell is infused with what is needed. Reconstructed in a way. Recreated. I dissolve over and over again to be reborn. Until all of me is renewed. My vibrational signature unrecognizable from what it once was.
In this journey of bliss reimagined, two concepts have taken centre stage. They are my key pillars of creation: The Cosmic Humm and the Black Hole.
As I lay there cuddled in bed, a live wire for consciousness to pour through, I could feel my entire body humming. The foundation creational humm of the universe. It is a subliminal sound found in everything. The key building block that the universe uses to create something from nothing. It is soft and gentle and yet can be so loud and deafening that it can uncreate. Destroy. To create something new in its place. Forever expansion includes destruction. In order to step into our 'next' we have to be willing to let go of what was... (I had never heard of the cosmic humm before but after it flooded my awareness so potently I looked it up and it's a 'real' thing!)
And the black hole. About a month before NASA captured the very first image of the black hole on April 19th, the consciousness of the black hole called me so strongly. Not just as a destructive force, but as a creational one. A journey, an initiation, an activation that I had to surrender to, rise through and learn how to co-create with in order to embody my 'next'. What I learnt was that each cell of ours contains the consciousness of a black hole. And if harnessed, it acts as an inverse creational force.
All throughout this time, I felt I was in a gravitational vortex not of this world, learning about, co-creating with, mastering consciousness singularity, creating something out of nothing in a way not previously perceived possible, and dancing with Time in a rhythm that I still haven't found words for. A moment became forever as I was invited to step out of time to learn what was being shown and sourced.
The first ever image of a black hole, shared by NASA on the 19th of April
At the end of last year, I was told that I was sick. The kind of 'you are dying sick'. I had to first make a choice of whether or not I wanted a new or 'next' chapter in my life and once that choice was made- it was a YES!, though it took me a moment to come to that as I felt such completion in my life- I had to find the pathways to heal and heal fast as I didn't really have the luxury of time.
These new capacities of the cosmic humm and the black hole allowed me to infuse pure consciousness into my physical body template in a way that allowed me to heal everything from heart disease to liver damage. Kidney problems to beginning stages of M.S. (amongst a host of many other serious symptoms). I introduced my body to the consciousness of infinity (the cosmic humm) and the transcendence of death (the black hole) and it responded. (Another word for pure consciousness is enlightenment but I don't like that word as it has too many heavy connotations attached to it)
This body of work has wanted to go out into the world and I have been procrastinating. Desiring more time for myself. To be still, to explore who I am in this new space. It's call and pull are getting stronger by the day however and I can't ignore it any longer.
So... NEW GROUP WORK IS (finally) HERE!
For more info. click HERE
I made this painting below as a catalyst for transformation. She contains layers upon layers of energy work. As someone who can see 'beyond' said about her:
'I almost feel the elements of the image moving as I look. (In the movie 'the butterfly effect') there was this specific music that would play each time the guy's life changed, like things clicking in place. I 'hear' the music in my head as I see the elements move...your artwork is truly an incredible experience."
If she calls to you, she is for sale for $175, and if you so desire, I will infuse her with energy specific to and for you. (She is 12x16 inches on canvas)
March. Each month the energy shifts. Can you feel it?
I'm sitting out on my porch, the sun is shining and I am seeing a plethora of flowers exclaiming the exuberant delight of spring. ⠀
It's chilly and I'm bundled in my coat and scarf but everything around me is exclaiming: spring, awaken, rise, emerge, life! ⠀
My inner landscape is no longer bound in the void, being unmade once again. No longer contracted, unraveled, loosing the self to re-imagine myself anew. ⠀
There is a sense of quiet. ⠀
Of stillness. ⠀
I feel ready. For my next. To create. ⠀
Yet, I can't find the first note of the song. ⠀
There are no tendrils of possibility to press my fingertips against. ⠀
No visions that emanate from a soul desire. ⠀
There is simply a blank canvas that is waiting for my first brush stroke. ⠀
The only sense that I have is that the note is there, but I can not find it as I do not yet have the conceptual framework to know what it is that I am hearing, sensing, perceiving. So there is emptiness. ⠀
Sometimes, when one has been undone and remade for months on end in the void, the 'new' is like a galaxy of unknown shapes and forms. The eyes don't know what they are seeing as they have never seen it before. The ears don't know what they are hearing, the senses are confounded because what is wanting to be created is beyond what was known before, beyond what this reality had offered before.⠀
I sit here.⠀ Asking. ⠀
How can I align with this that I have an awareness of yet can not perceive? ⠀
What energy, space consciousness can I be to meet this in exquisite celebration and ecstatic communion?⠀
What source points can I connect to to allow this dance to commence? ⠀
So I sit here. Asking. And trusting. Yes. In order to navigate this crazy journey, there has to be so very much faith and trust. In the internal. And the external. ⠀
And I know, that this crazy sweet life that I have been given is worth every second of this journey into the unknown. ⠀
Wherever you are in the spectrum of deep diving within and the joys of spring blossoming, know that you are exactly where you are meant to be. Trust your own cycles of becoming. You do not conform to a single blueprint as you are uniquely you.
The energy changed.
I have written about January. Shared the challenges. The feelings of discomfort and unfamiliarity. Trying to find a new shape, a new way and being asked to sit not in the void but in the in-between-space. No longer inhabiting the known and yet unable to find the new that has been envisioned, desired, intentionalised. ⠀
I felt The Shift. ⠀
I felt SPACE after what seems like Forever of being contracted and confined. I could move, I could breathe. ⠀
There have been days that the heavens opened. ⠀
The download, upload, inload POURED IN. ⠀
I felt like I was a live wire. The lightening and the thunder, the storm, the wind whipping against the trees, the earth meeting up to meet the heavens. ⠀
I felt like I was a raging elemental force and I COULD NOT BE STOPPED. ⠀
I found my NEW. ⠀Everything has been changing. ⠀
A complete rewiring of me, how I work and who I am. ⠀
A restructuring of my consciousness that is allowing the potency of my work to be as much of a force - if not more!- within the body as it has been in consciousness. A better way of saying it is that there is no longer a division between being and body.
This new way of being allows me to fuse consciousness into cellular memory in a way that allows the physical body template that we have to step into quantum space. The more power that streams through me, the more EASE my body is experiencing. This new way of being and sourcing and becoming allows for an end to ascension symptoms, to the physical body trying to 'catch up' with the many continuous shifts and upgrades in consciousness. And of course dis-ease in the physical body can shift effortlessly... this is a whole new playing field...
If a label clarifies my words, then I would say that I have become a body whisperer. ⠀
However, I want to be very clear. This is not about me opening to my next and being able to do what others have done before me. This is about changing the very fabric of what is possible with the body. ⠀
WE are the ones that are changing the world, and this is me, doing my part. ⠀
Possible group offerings to come late March/April. My desire and intention: ⠀
TO ALLOW YOU AND YOUR BODY TO FUSE TOGETHER IN PERFECT HARMONY AND EXPRESSION OF YOUR DIVINITY.
It's time to move beyond anything that challenges us to live fully unleashed, fully expressed, fully delighting and reveling in this beautiful gift called LIFE. It is time to SHINE and we can't do that if we are struggling on any level. I trust that you hear the call and join me on this journey. I know it allows for a quantum shift in what is possible for the body and our very human experience in the world.
2018 brought me to my knees.
I know many have fully stepped into 2019 and it may seem odd for me to be writing about 2018 but when I feel into - and what I am embodying- is that this is liminal space. The space 'in between'. (The dictionary speaks of liminal as: 'occupying a position at, or on both sides of a boundary or threshold.')
I can still feel 2018. Its imprint. Its song. Echoing through parts of me.
Departing, letting go, releasing. Yes. But slowly. Gradually. Like a lover who is lingering, reluctant to say good-bye.
2018 brought me to my knees.
There are so many spaces and places to look at this from.
This is what I know:
I asked for an 'upleveling' (what a strange word that is indeed) and everything (and I mean everything) that was not in vibrational resonance with that next step of my becoming showed itself in its fullness.
An invitation to let go, release, surrender old ways of being and allow something entirely new. Something unknown and unimagined.
Here's the thing about things that bring one to one's knees:
They are the patterns, the ways of being that have been so deeply ingrained, so very much part of who we are, that we are blindsided.
Until the moment that we are ready.
For a transformation that will alter the fabric of our foundation, our existence, our sense of self.
It is a sacred moment. A powerful moment.
A moment where the universe meets you in your yearning for the moreness of you.
To unlock. To unleash. To ignite.
And it brings one to one's knees.
And here I am.
My 8 week 'Being and Becoming' series last year (nov. & dec.) has set that which desires to be created into motion for this year. And beyond.
I can feel that that piece is complete. It is done. And it will unfold as I choose it step by step.
But for right now, I sit in liminal space.
Slowly moving my body into new shapes, into the things to come.
I can feel my breath continuing to digest the enormity of 2018, whilst breathing in the newness of 2019.
And 2019, aaaahhh, how sweet she feels.
It's like a slow tantalizing love affair. Our eyes have met across the room, I feel her magnetic pull, the promises of new delights, the invitation to come close and explore a new landscape.
My feet, my body turn in her direction, but I know. I know that I need just a little more time before I dance again.
Happy new year beautiful!
May this year wrap you in Grace and be the start of something utterly divine and delicious.